


Risk

by Theyuzuphoniumist



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Hanyu Yuzuru
Genre: 2014 World Figure Skating Championships, Courage, F/M, Hope, Light Angst, Mentions of Cancer, Other, Slice of Life, figure skating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 08:09:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1681088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theyuzuphoniumist/pseuds/Theyuzuphoniumist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young figure skater suffering from brain cancer loses hope in life. What happens when she tunes in to Eurosport and see a boy in blue skating to Gary Moore's Parisienne Walkways?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Risk

“No.”

“I understand, but-” Dr. Jochen hesitantly replied, his fist clenched.

“Please leave.” I turned my back towards him, facing the bouquets of flowers placed neatly at my bedside.

Dr. Jochen sighed, as he reached for the doorknob. He pursed his lips before turning back.

“As your doctor, I will respect your decision, and support you all the way. But I urge you to give yourself another chance.” He said before leaving the room.

I stepped towards the window and slided it open. Fresh, warm air hit my face, a good change from the stale, cold air from the hospital room. The hysterical laughter and screams from the kids playing downstairs pierced the silence that usually filled my room.

I let out a quiet sigh. “When can I get out of this place…”I mumbled to myself.

“Anytime you want, dear.”

I turned back. “When did you get here?”

“Just two seconds ago, dear.” My mother placed her groceries on the floor carefully, and folded my blanket.

“You don’t have to make my bed, you know. I’m just going back to sleep again later.”

“Well, didn’t you say you wanted to get out of this place?” My mother smiled kindly.

“Like I can.”

“I spoke to Dr. Jochen just now. He said it’ll be okay for you to be discharged.”

I laughed bitterly. “Has he given up on me?”

“He wants you to go home and think about it again. He says that the hospital’s environment may not be healthy for your… psychological wellbeing.”

I stayed silent.

“Let’s go home, shall we?”

I nodded.

 

I stared outside the window as the scenery changed quickly in a blur.

“I’m so happy you’re coming home, baby!” My father reached behind and patted my knee, his eyes still on the wheel.

I nodded silently, and continued to stare outside.

I touched my head. Every moment, the monster inside grows, eating my brain away.

“Honey, are you alright? Does your head hurt?” My mother asked, concerned.

“No, I’m alright. Just a little tired.” I assured her, giving her a tired smile. It was impossible for it not to hurt though. My head throbbed, as the monster persistently pushed on my nerves. But I was used to it.

“Take a rest, dear. We still have another hour before we arrive back at home.”

I nodded, closing my eyes.

‘Give yourself another chance.’ I thought back at my doctor’s words.

_How could I take this chance, when it’s so slim?_

—— —— —— —— ——

 

“Would you like some fairy bread, dear?”

“Sure, mum.” I plopped myself on the couch, with nothing better to do. There was pretty much nothing I could do anyway.

Dr. Jochen advised me to refrain from sports, and my condition got bad enough for me to drop out of school half a year ago. My friends and ex-classmates came to visit sometimes, but I never felt the same with them anymore.

I was pretty sure they didn’t either.

They have long lives ahead of them, while I probably had about a year left. Probably less, if my condition worsens. Dr. Jochen suggested surgery, but the success rate frightened me. I knew I couldn’t live long without surgery, but I could lose even the little time I had left if I went under the knife.

A slice of fairy bread was placed in front of me, beside a ridiculously large selection of pills and a huge glass of water. I groaned as my head dipped.

“It’s good for you, dear.” My mother patted my back, gesturing towards the pills.

I sighed. I should be used to it by now, but the number of pills only increased. I gulped them down, flushing them with the glass of water.

“Water,” I pointed at my empty glass. Taking them was a feat. My head continued to throb, until the painkillers kicked in.

My mother refilled my glass as I switched on the TV. “Hey…it’s Olympic season, right? I totally forgot.” I recalled, switching to Eurosport.

“Yeah, it’s Winter Olympics, right? Sochi, was it?” My mother nodded.

“Mm. Nice that I got discharged, then.” I munched on my fairy bread, slathered on with butter generously, how I like it.

“Hey, they’re showing the figure skating program! You used to do that pretty well, didn’t you, darling!” My mother clapped her hands together enthusiastically.

“Yeah.” I quietly replied, pursing my lips.

‘Used to.’ I thought to myself, recalling my condition.

 

A boy in blue was on the rink, preparing to start. As the music played, I grinned to myself.

“Gary Moore. Nice choice.”

“Who?”

“Nevermind, mum. Let’s watch.”

I could feel my jaw slowly falling.

Every move was in place. The spin, the jumps, the step sequence. It fit in so…perfectly.

His smirk was undeniably attractive. And that lunge; I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.

“Wow.”

“He’s good! And really cute!” My mother blushed, letting out a girlish giggle.

“Oh my god, mum. Are you fangirling?” I laughed, shaking my head.

“Well…he is cute, isn’t he?” She said, tilting her head at the TV.

I chuckled. “Well, kind of.

As his score was announced, my mum let out a high-pitched cry. “Oh my god! It’s a world record!”

“Yeah.” I smiled. I tried to contain my excitement while my heart did a small leap.

 

“I’m uh, going up. I’m going to sleep a little.” I got up, feeling a little dizzy.

“Oh, do you need help? I’ll get you some painkillers-”

“It’s alright. I’m fine. Just need some sleep.” I went back to my room.

I lied on my bed, sighing. The painkillers were losing its effectiveness. The pain was becoming increasingly immune to them. It was difficult to sleep when it didn’t stop hurting.

“Hanyu… Yuzuru? Was that his name?” I glanced over at my computer.

I got up and typed his name into the search engine.

 

—— —— —— ——- ——

 

I sat in front of the computer in a daze, the screen flickering in front of me.

‘ _A tragic hero.’_

_‘Born with asthma, had his rink closed down twice.’_

_‘Survived a catastrophic disaster, crawling out in skating boots.’_

_‘Returned to Japan with a bronze medal from Nice despite an injury.’_

Those words flashed in my head.

‘And me?’ I thought, biting my lip.

_I’m a coward. Pathetic._

Tears rolled down my cheeks, as I sobbed quietly, hugging my knees.

His smile was so bright, so genuine. His eyes twinkled, devoid of fear.

His videos continued to play on my YouTube page. Jump after jump, it didn’t stop.

I wiped away my tears and rose my head, paying attention to his programs.

But something puzzled me.

‘ _Why does he keep his quad salchow in his free skate when he barely lands it?’_  I thought.

It didn’t make sense for a skater to keep something that would result in penalty in his program.

“Baby?” I heard a knock on the door. My dad.

“It’s not locked.”

He walked in with a tray of medicine, along with a cookie. I groaned in futile protest.

“It’s-”

“-Good for you.” I finished his sentence.

“Glad you know, baby.” He placed the tray on my desk, and glanced at my computer.

“Oh, you got into figure skating again? That’s nice.”

“Yeah. He was pretty fantastic at the Sochi short program.” I pointed at my screen, when Yuzuru fell on his 4S at GPF Fukuoka.

“Ah, that must have hurt…” My dad’s face cringed slightly.

“Yeah. I don’t get why he doesn’t change it to another jump. It’ll affect his momentum and his scores and…” I rambled on, as my dad let out a chuckle.

“You’re still as passionate about it as before.” My dad smiled.

I pouted. “It’s not like I really wanted to give it up.” I muttered under my breath as I gulped down the pills.

“Well…” My dad paused as he watched Yuzuru’s program.

I looked at him expectantly.

“Sometimes, if you don’t risk anything, you risk more.” He smiled at me.

I stayed silent, stunned by my dad’s words.

“Go rest, baby. It’s getting late.” My dad left the room with the empty tray.

—- —- —- —- —- —-

 

The next morning, my father came back with a small package in his arms.

“Let’s watch this. More exciting than curling.” He took out a videotape from the package, tuning out from Eurosport.

“What’s that?” I asked, as I sat on the couch. My mother joined us with a plate of freshly cut fruits on the table.

“Just watch it!” My father grinned excitedly, rubbing his hands in glee.

The tape started to roll, and a familiar scene flickered before my eyes. I felt my cheeks flaming up.

“DAD. STOP THE VIDEO RIGHT NOW.” I covered my eyes, cringing in shame.

“Aww! You were so cute, dear! Look at those pigtails! I did them for you!” My mum clapped in joy, as my 12-year-old self skated to The Nutcracker Suite.

“Baby, do you remember that feeling back then?” My dad asked.

I paused. “Yeah. I guess.”

The girl skating in the video seemed like a stranger to me, as she prepared to take off on her double axel.

“You always came home bruised then… your double axels didn’t land, and Coach wanted you to take it out of your program.”

“But I didn’t want to.”

My father nodded. “You took a risk, and it paid off, didn’t it?” The double axel landed, with full revolution.

I bit my lip, standing up. “I uh, I’m going to rest for a while.”

“Baby, it’s okay if you don’t want to go for the op. We’ll support your decision no matter what.”

I nodded, and closed my door.

—— —— —— —— ——

 

I woke up from my nap finding a pile of boxes left on the dining table, each of them wrapped neatly with ribbons and cards.

“Wha…?”

“Valentine’s chocolates from your friends! Some of them left it here on the way back from school.” My mother pointed at them, with another dose of medicine.

“Valentine’s chocolates for a sick kid, huh…” I chuckled, slowly unwrapping one of them.

I paused. “Wait. Valentine’s Day? Feb 14?” I lost count of dates after dropping out of school.

“Shit! The free skate is today!” I dropped the chocolates and picked up the TV remote.

“Eurosport, eurosport…there.” I was just in time for Yuzuru’s skate.

 

My heart fell as he crashed on his quad salchow again.

“It’s over…” I mumbled.

He struggled to keep up with the music, as he fell once more on his triple axel.

He picked himself up again, as he fought on.

“How- Why is he still-” I cried in frustration.

He didn’t stop. He landed another jump. And another jump. And another.

I broke down as he slammed his palm onto the ice.

 

_“It paid off, didn’t it?”_

My father’s words echoed in my head, as the boy donning the Team Japan jacket bent down to receive his gold medal.

 

—- —- —- —— —-

 

“So, we’ll schedule your surgery on March 28. We’ll need to keep you in the hospital to monitor your condition over these few weeks. Even if the success rate is barely a quarter, we’re confident about this.” Dr. Jochen noted, as he briefed my parents and I.

I nodded.

The doctor let out a smile. “I guess it was a good decision to let you go home.”

I shrugged. “Maybe it’ll have worked out the same way if you guys subscribed to Eurosport.”

My dad guffawed, before my mum elbowed him in the ribs.

“Oh? Okay. Maybe I’ll write in to the management about it.” Dr. Jochen said, amused.

 

I held onto my parents’ hands tightly. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.”

I looked at my mum. Her face was tight. I could see she was holding it back.

“Mum?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I have some things left in my drawer at home. If- I mean if, I don’t get the chance to deliver them myself, will you do it for me?”

“I will, dear.”

I smiled, and turned to my dad. “Don’t forget to tune into Eurosport later. Men’s free skate in the evening.”

“Yeah, baby. I won’t forget. I’ll tell you the results later.”

Dr. Jochen nodded to the nurses, as they rolled me into the operating theatre.

 

_‘I’ll risk my remaining days for a chance of a lifetime.’_

My senses slowly left me as I felt my vision blurring.

 

I closed my eyes.

 

—— —— —— —— ——

[Eurosport is heard streaming outside the operating theatre]

 

“So here is the king, at the age of 19…”

…

“…but he has got a slither of a chance; I wouldn’t say it’s any better than that…”

…

“Wow, how- how he hung on to that!”

…

“Oh no, he’s- that should be triple sal- HOW HE DID THAT I HAVE NO IDEA!”

…

“The mark is going down, the technical score-”

 

“YES!”

 

“By three tenths of a mark- Incredible!”

 


	2. Risk- Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue to Risk.

_‘Hello Yuzuru! (Or would you prefer Hanyu?)_

_Well… not like it would matter in a letter, right? Heh._

_My command of Japanese is horrible, so I’m going to write this in English ^^_

_If you’re reading this letter, well…_

_I’m probably not in this world anymore. But that’s not the point of this letter._

_My operation is scheduled on the same day as your free skate. I’m sure you did well for it, didn’t you? I can’t watch you skate, but I have a feeling you’ll land that quad salchow!_

_I want to thank you, Yuzuru. Thank you for your courage._

_Before I watched you skate at Sochi, I was afraid. I was afraid of death._

_I knew I was going to die, but I wanted to prolong my life as much as possible._

_I didn’t dare take the risk of a surgery. The tumour in my head continued to grow everyday, but I didn’t have the courage to take it out._

_You know what? I thought you were ridiculous. Ridiculous for keeping the quad salchow in your program._

_But… Thank you. Thank you so much for keeping it._

_You risked a fall on your 4S in the olympics… But you still went home with the prize. And you deserve every gram of it._

_You’re incredible. :)_

_As I enter the operating theatre, I’ll remember to hold on to the courage you have given me._

_I’ll risk my remaining days for a chance of a lifetime._

_Whether I make it out of the theatre, it probably doesn’t matter anymore._

_Because the fire you’ve relit in me will burn on in the hearts of my loved ones, and continue to live in them._

_And I hope this courageous spirit we share will forever stay with you, as it would till the end of my life.’_

__  
  


_______

 

—- —- —- —- —-

“Yuzuru! Keep your balance!” Coach shouted across the rink, waving his arms aggressively.

Yuzuru nodded, as he struggled to stay upright as he landed on his jump.

“Take five,” Coach called them back, patting Yuzuru on the back.

As he approached, I quickly folded the paper and tucked it in my pocket.

“Hm? Are you hiding something from me?” Yuzuru poked playfully, taking the left side of the bench beside me.

I shook my head and shifted to the right, looking away. “Nothing of your concern, champ.”

“Is it a new costume design? You can share it with me!”

“No way. Get back to practice!” I shooed him off, sticking out my tongue as I got up.

“Meanie.” He pouted jokingly as he removed his blade covers, entering the rink.

 

I pulled out the letter as I stepped out of the skating centre. I smiled as I unfolded it gingerly.

_The faint scent of spilt liquid vicodin lingered on the paper._

_I never thought I would find this letter again. And I had no reason to find it._

“I guess he won’t ever need to read this again.”

I crumpled the paper up and tossed it in the trash, and walked back to the rink with a skip in my steps.


End file.
